Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Leaps and Bound(arie)s

I have a task for you. Keep a notebook with you at all times for a week. In that time, jot down every single time someone annoys you. It isn't as much fun as you might think. Bring an extra pen and a thick notebook. Not because you may run out of ink or paper, but because they will come in handy when you decide to clock someone in the back of the head or perhaps stab them in the knee a la Sarah Connor in Terminator 2. Not that I'm encouraging assault, you just may want to give yourself options.

The objective of this exercise is not to vent your frustrations on our companions on public transportation. The objective of this exercise is to gain insight into our own character defects. A little game of You're an Asshole, I'm an Asshole if you will. Let's play, shall we?

An older gentelman gets on the bus. As the bus lunges forward, the man stumbles onto the seat in front of him. An elderly woman sitting at the front of the bus shouts at him repeatedly, "SIT DOWN! SIT DOWN! WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO SIT IN THE BACK WHEN YOU ARE HANDICAPPED???" I was irritated because it was not her business where and when the man chose to sit down. I was also upset that she was yelling and disturbing me and other people on the bus.

It was not my business that the woman was being rude. I am taking her inventory. I am possessive over space which does not belong to me.

See? She's an asshole, I am an asshole. We are all equals.

I feel better already.

Labels: ,

Thursday, January 17, 2008

2007 redux

Many changes have transpired at Casa de Mexcellence in the last year. Let me share them with you!

No longer living in sin with her boyfriend, nor witnessing random acts of violence on a daily basis, Anni Hispanni will not be speaking about herself in the third person from this sentence forward.


Since I last wrote here I have aquiesced to the following pieces of advice from friends, family, and random strangers:

"Put down the wine glass already!"-Everyone

"You should try going back on that diet of yours." -Grandpa

"Have you ever thought about breaking up with that guy? He sure is an asshole!"-Yellow cab driver

Love! Support! Guidance!

Broken down into pounds I have lost:

Empties: 1 garbage bag per week weighing roughly 20 lbs=1,040
Poundage lost as a result of not drinking contents of said Empties=30
Disjoining of "that guy"= 160

Grand total= 1,230 pounds!

Put that on your wagon Oprah!

Yes, the load is lighter around these here parts and I hope to write more often this year.

Labels: ,