Thursday, January 08, 2009

If my Vagina could talk...

It would say "Closed for improvements. Will not be in operation until further notice"

This dating thing is not working out. I suppose I need to just regroup and enjoy living my life for me for a little while. In all honesty, I feel relieved around my decision. I have so much more time on my hands (and between my legs!) now that I don't have to tidy up my apartment and shave my vag 2 times a week. With all this time left over I will be rehearsing for my role in The Vagina Monologues (AWESOME!), writing here more often, and taking dance lessons. I haven't decided what kind of dancing yet, but since I have ruled out the Horizontal Mambo, I am thinking of burlesque. Salsa, if I lose my nerve. The dancehall is not out of business for good, y'all!

So...Yay for me! Onward with the self improvement and such!

I just could not take the high road on this last dating debacle. We'll call him The Hot Danish. I. Do not. Geddit.

At the risk of sounding like a whiny 5 year old--HE STARTED IT!!! He called. Invited me out. Showed up. Paid. Kissed me good night. Texted me after. Rinse and repeat 5 times.

He then calls me 2 days AFTER we "took things to the next level" to ask me a food related question. I think this is the only time I would have preferred a booty call over a foody call. Feeling pretty annoyed, yet still hopeful, I gave him space. I gave him space for 1 week. I then proceded to write him this today:

Hey Hot Danish!
I'm assuming that you aren't dead, that you aren't being held captive by terrorists, or stranded in the desert.
I happen to be a fan of communication. It's pretty clear that you are not--at least communicating with me anyway. That happens to be one of my prerequisites for dating someone though. So... I had a good time getting to know you and am pretty disappointed that we never got to have that big blow out fight where I told you that your penis is small. That would have made me a liar though, which I am not. Most of the time.
I think you're pretty awesome (aside from the not calling me thing, that kind of sucks) and I wish you all the best on your dating endeavors.

Anni Hispanni

Okay, so it's more than a little passive aggressive. This is growth for me though! I don't think I have ever called a guy out on his douchebaggery in such a snarky way. I just became my own hero today.

I think I'm off to a good start on this whole self improvement gig.

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