All I needed to hear on Public Transportation

Everyday when I wake up I carefully select my outfit. This process always begins with the mood I am in and how I wish to project myself on the world that day. Transformative, as if my outfit will somehow turn me into the person I envision myself being.
Sometimes I will elect for something a little edgy: Fishnet stockings, black knee high boots. On those days I am the angst ridden vixen who kicks ass and takes names later. On occasion I will take to the other end of the spectrum and opt for a very classic, Hepburn-esque look complete with pearl earings and a bouffant-style bun. Sure, the idea is a little a little silly and contrived, but "fake it till you make it!" seems to be my mantra these days.
Today I donned the "Sexy Susie Homemaker" getup. Polka dot shirtwaste dress, red patent leather sling-back pumps ("the headturners"), hoop earings, and tied my hair up in a messy bun with a black head band. Sexy, classy, capable. Everything I did not feel I was when I woke up this morning. Somehow I needed to mask the pit in the middle of my torso that is no longer occupied by the feelings of love and security I felt when I had a boyfriend. Put on a little lipstick, darling. Everything will be okay!
I went into work, set people up on dates, counseled some people on their dating practices, even encouraged some 'love-connections'. Made love happen for a lot of people whilst checking Craigslist Missed Connections and Match.com for any sign that there is someone out there who has an interest in loving me. Alas, nada today.
Feeling a little defeated, perhaps even jaded, I get on the 47 Van Ness. At this point my mind is screaming "Calgon take me away!" as I head back to my small apartment where I will greet my very large tub. Approaching the next empty seat on the bus, I can feel the eyes of a very well dressed elderly black gentleman follow me. He beams when I take the seat next to him.
The bus then jolts us along Van Ness and he leans in closer to me.

"Can I say something to you, ma'am?" he asks sweetly. I take a moment to assess that he is in fact, harmless and I manage to chirp out "Yes?"
" YOU ARE ONE GRADE A FOXY LADY!"
"Thank you! You just made my day!" I offered back, genuinely flattered, quite amused.

A moment later he has gathered his courage. He leans in closer to me and now, with a devilish gleam in his eye he whispers "Can I just ask you one more thing?" I'm a little sceptical but I quickly conclude that no matter what he says, the comedic value will be totally worth it. "Absolutely."
"Do you need an escort?"
"Ummm...No, thank you. I do just fine on my own." I smirk. "Well, you sure are pretty." he says as he slinks back into his seat. You can't blame him for trying! "And you are a gentleman." I say to him "You've still got it." I wink at him. He nods in appreciation.

I suppose I do too.

Leaps and Bound(arie)s

I have a task for you. Keep a notebook with you at all times for a week. In that time, jot down every single time someone annoys you. It isn't as much fun as you might think. Bring an extra pen and a thick notebook. Not because you may run out of ink or paper, but because they will come in handy when you decide to clock someone in the back of the head or perhaps stab them in the knee a la Sarah Connor in Terminator 2. Not that I'm encouraging assault, you just may want to give yourself options.

The objective of this exercise is not to vent your frustrations on our companions on public transportation. The objective of this exercise is to gain insight into our own character defects. A little game of You're an Asshole, I'm an Asshole if you will. Let's play, shall we?

An older gentelman gets on the bus. As the bus lunges forward, the man stumbles onto the seat in front of him. An elderly woman sitting at the front of the bus shouts at him repeatedly, "SIT DOWN! SIT DOWN! WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO SIT IN THE BACK WHEN YOU ARE HANDICAPPED???" I was irritated because it was not her business where and when the man chose to sit down. I was also upset that she was yelling and disturbing me and other people on the bus.

It was not my business that the woman was being rude. I am taking her inventory. I am possessive over space which does not belong to me.

See? She's an asshole, I am an asshole. We are all equals.

I feel better already.