Monday, March 31, 2008

I AM 25

I am having to continually remind myself of this fact more and more often as of late. It helps me to stay put, live right now, just for the peace of being here, right now.

My accomplishments are admirable. My stamp on the world, my tiny universe, is indelible. I am proud of my work. It is significant, rewarding, sultry, and delicious. Yet, I struggle. If I was paid in pride, I would be a very rich girl. Unfortunately, pride does not pay the bills.

All of my life I have just wanted to be older, wiser, THERE. Just to have all of it done and out of the way. My impatience with life diminishes my gratitude for everything that exists in this moment. Like Varuca Salt screams "I WANT IT NOW!!!", I'm just not ready for my golden egg.

Emotionally, financially, demographically, I am still a baby.

I just wish I didn't feel so old.

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1 Comments:

Blogger Lily Parrot said...

You're not old. You're just mature and you've been through a lot more than most people your age. But now that you're sober, it's time to sit back and enjoy you're freaking life. The baby making machine has plenty of time left before it conks out. Enjoy your freedom, your youth, and your beauty. Let others enjoy it. Work on being the best you that you can be (and that you must be pretty fucking amazing, since the dissatisfied and struggling you rocks my world as it is) and the rest will follow.

8:07 AM  

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